Saturday Night at the Mating Games

by Mitch Lemus

A pack of six
To start the night
A small white pill
I am a kite

Wait on line
Pay a cover
Once inside
Search for a lover

Exotic lights
Like a prism
The relentless beat
Of disco rhythm

So firm so round
Snug like a glove
With each designer label
I fall deeply in love

Look! Nice body
But bad complexion
Will not suffice
She's a rejection

Check out that one
Oh my, oh my
Too bad she's with
Some fraternity guy

How 'bout her?
She ain't so great
Wait, there she goes
I'm a minute too late

A ravishing blonde
Leans against the wall
C'mon you can do it
You've got to have balls!

All I ask
Is to dance and talk
A maybe a little
Late night pork?

Damn it, damn it
I am so shy
Please somebody
Tell me why

Just one more shot
Of alcohol
Will give me courage
Strength and gall

"Hey there
Like to umm ... dance?"
"No thank you
I'm with Lance"

Why's it so hard
To get some affection
It hurts so bad
Defeat and dejection

"Oh hi there
Remember me?
From MAT

"Yeah, that test
Was really a bummer"
"What ya drinking?
I'll buy you another"

"Please won't you buy me
A Tanquerey
Then I'll abandon you
Just walk away"

Shall I blame it on
My humble physique?
Or perhaps my underarms
Violently reek

Or maybe my clothing
Is way out of date
Or maybe, just maybe
This is my fate

Oh I think
I'll become a boozer
I can't deal with
Being a looser

"Bartender fetch me
A shot of J.D.
I want to forget
This bleak misery"

How ya doin'
My friend Mr. Wall?
Please hold me up
I'm ready to fall

The things that we'll do
To capture a dame
Going through the motions
Of this silly mating game

There's Mary Ann Ugly
Oh what a swine
What liquor will do
She now rates a "9"

"Oh Mary, oh Mary
You have such charm and grace
Won't you come with me
Back to my place?"

Well I confess
That was quite easy
When suddenly my tummy
Felt sort of queasy

Oh how I quivered
A pant and a moan
Making love not to Mary...
But the porcelain throne

Copyright © Mitch Lemus

The preceding poem was written while I
was a student at the University of Florida.

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